Leaked footage from 2013 has surfaced showing Rob Ford and friends roasting Donald Trump’s hair, calling it a “soggy beaver tail” during one of Ford’s infamous crack-fueled rants.
Trump, now President and still holding that grudge, has made good on his threat: AMERICA IS INVADING CANADA.
If he wins, his first executive order? Ban all Beaver Tails – yes, the pastry – with violation punishable by death. This means war.
The Americans outnumber us 10 to 1 (just like their dollar). We need every able-bodied Canadian to defend our borders, our Beaver Tails, and our right to mock terrible hair.
Girls, this ain’t the 1500s anymore – leaving all the fun to the boys is over. Grab a blaster and show these nutjobs what happens when you mess with us. Just remember: no fraternizing with the enemy, no matter how charming their accents.
Guys – put down the hockey sticks and pick up your blasters.
All Equipment Provided:
Orders:
• Report for duty on time to hear game mode rules and team split. Tardiness is treason.
• Bring water
The fate of Beaver Tails – and Canada itself – rests in your trigger finger.
DEFEND THE NORTH.
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