The rain in Vancouver isn’t normal anymore. Game after game, the Canucks keep losing, and the Gods weep harder with each loss. And this time, they’ve gone too far. The power’s out. Not just for tonight—forever. Vancouver’s cooked.
And speaking of cooked, you were just trying to meal prep. Some gym bro convinced you that protein would give you goddess-tier skin (was he hitting on you? probably. did you care? not really). But now you’re standing in the dark with a pan of…
Your phone lights up. Four words that change everything:
The smart ones know what this means. The campfire calls, and the chosen ones answer.
Across the city, others receive the signal. They grab their half-cooked dinners, raid their Dollarama stashes, and begin the pilgrimage. Because when civilization collapses, we don’t despair—we gather around fire like our ancestors did.
Except our ancestors didn’t roast gummy bears on sticks. Their loss.
Sure, you’ll bring food (we’ve got the sticks, you bring whatever madness you want to impale and char). But the real feast? The conversations that would get you fired, expelled, or permanently uninvited from family dinners.
Those aliens hovering above in their UFOs? You know, those suspicious “stars” that twitch when you stare at them too long? Even they’ll be taking notes like, “How did they go from discussing whether hot dogs are sandwiches to debating if we’re all living in a simulation run by… us?”
“Normal” people microwave their marshmallows. They have appropriate workplace conversations. They cook their meat thoroughly before the apocalypse hits.
But you? You’re here because somewhere deep down, you know that the best conversations happen when civilization’s safety rails come off. When the only light comes from flames and the only rule is authenticity.
Next time you’re in the candy aisle, or passing by literally any food, ask yourself: “Would this be better on fire?” The answer is always yes. Even if you burn it. Especially if you burn it.
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